Thoughts

Deep thoughts.  Ha ha not really.  I had some thoughts in church on Sunday but Lord knows if I'll be able to remember them.

• The first thing is that I found this website called catholicsexy.blogspot.com.  It's very interesting, even if I did get a little pearl-clutchy over some of it.  I hope that it's a good reference for NFP, though.  Lord, NFP is weird.  I mean, NFP isn't weird, I think it's fine.  I have a good friend who is an NFP teacher and she is always willing to answer any questions I have.  But man - some people who use NFP are weirdos.  Ha ha - I mean, some of all people are weirdos, right?  But it's just a LOT of talk about other people's sex lives and - well, it's like this - I think if Catholics believe that sex is restorative and pleasurable and unifying and also used in reproduction, if you've decided that you are not able to be pregnant, if you have grave reasons for not getting pregnant or whatever, just because you might not feel like having sex, maybe you should?  But people are always complaining, it seems that they just don't FEEL like having sex when they are able to have sex, and I think well get over it!  Who is doing what they want to do, all the time?  WHO?  
• Oh, these other moms at school and church are so, so bitchy.  There is one woman whom I met a few years ago, at a moms' social thing at church.  This woman came to the playgroup and talked only to her daughter until a friend of hers got there and then she talked only to her friend.  I've seen her several times in church since then, all the time really, and she waits for her kids to come out of school feet away from where I wait and she just - she refuses to say hi, or make eye contact or anything.  It is a very Mean Girls type vibe and I think, what?  Really?  We are in church!  Or at CATHOLIC school!  We have an ice cream social next week and I just know that she is going to be super nice to me if she is forced but by that point, I am going to hate her and then what?  Also, I saw on Facebook that she is a good friend of a friend of mine and now I'm afraid he's a Mean Girl too.  I have been a stay at home mother for EIGHT YEARS and I have a lot of friends and never in that time have I not said hi to someone or be rude to someone who was on her own, because I was raised right, for the Love of God.  
• I really like the Priest at my church, I think he's an excellent speaker.  This week he spoke about St. Joan of Arc and how she had a friend come to the place where she was burned at the stake and hold the Crucifix so she could just focus on it as she was being BURNED AT THE STAKE!  And I was thinking, wow, that is something, and also I was thinking, I am no martyr and also I was thinking, if I were not Catholic and just wandered in here, I would think, this is the craziest talk I've ever heard.  
• I went to a Moms Retreat yesterday.  It's called Morning for Moms in our Archdiocese and it's so nice.  It cost $35 and you get breakfast and coffee and lunch and Mass and a speaker.  This time is was an author of a book, I can't remember and am too lazy to get up look at the title, but I really enjoyed her talk.  But here's some bad things that happened, because I can't leave well enough alone. 
• One woman that I sat with said that she never really feels like she has to do things with adults, because her four year old is just like another adult.  She said I mean, I discuss theology with my two year old, what more could I want?  I thought of Felicity, who will be two next month and who said Daddy, no! the other day and I counted it as her first two word phrase, and who drew on the wall yesterday and brought Mike over to point and say "tah dah!" and, um, that is not the same as an adult!  The woman said, with no irony, "it's just that my children are extraordinary".  Mmmmmkay.  
• So we had this nice Mass and afterward the woman who runs it said thanks for coming and also they are thinking of doing a co-op thing with childcare because they can't do it anymore.  She said they were only able to get childcare yesterday at the last minute.  So she said maybe if you moms want to work childcare one time, you can work and then we will give you a coupon for a free next time.  OR, she said, maybe you know someone who would want to babysit for a SMALL stipend (emphasis hers), or else this is going to have to be the last year for Mornings with Moms.  I swear I was just *thanking God* for this great program, where we could bring our kids and be sure they were taken care of so we could focus on our own spiritual life, since we spend all the rest of our time taking care of other people, and poof!, down came the hammer from this lady.  Hows about you charge more so you can pay someone a living wage?  What the heck?  It was $35 and there were 20 of us, so maybe charge $40?  Or 50?  Why do you have to threaten to take away this great opportunity, which happens THREE times a YEAR?  I hate everyone.  
• What else.  I had something to say about music, but I can't remember what.  It was not nice, I'm sure.  How I hate the music at my church.  And most of the people in it.  Ha, that is not great, is it?  I just don't like the bad music or the mean people.  But I think somehow I'm supposed to LIKE the music and LOVE the people, no matter how bad or mean they are, which, ugh, I guess I will work on that.  
• I don't have anywhere else to post this, but every time I hear the song Blurred Lines I get mad.  There was some article written about how it was 'rapey', which is a word I despise.  You know what's rapey?  RAPE!  Nothing else!  I was listening to some song the other day, I forget what, and it was very heavy on the metaphors and the similes and I was thinking Robin Thicke has this song, he says you're a good girl, I know you want it, you're the hottest bitch in this place, you're far from plastic and mostly I think um, that doesn't make sense.  Far from plastic?  But also, I think, why do we have to call him a rapist or rapey because he wrote a song?  You know, I remember years ago when the Andres Serrano exhibit was in New York or whatever and even though he had the Piss Christ, and he was sponsored by the NEA, everyone said he is an ARTIST and he is EXPRESSING HIMSELF and then it's okay, right?  So Robin Thicke (who I really want to call Alan Thicke, every time) writes a song - or performs a song, I don't even know if he wrote it or not, where he uses a lot of metaphors and similes and talks the sexy talk to a girl who may or may not be acting like a good girl even though she is a dirty kitty who wants it.  I don't know, but I don't know if we have to call him rapey.  Also, everyone was down on him for HIS behavior during the MTV thing and I never saw HIM sticking a foam finger in his crotch or chasing after that girl.  His suit was bad but otherwise I'm not mad at him.  Which is a good thing, because I am mad at EVERYONE else, practically, ha!

Thoughts on Women

This week, I read an article by Andrew Sullivan about how promising the new Pope is.  I am guessing when people say that he seems promising, or that he seems great, they mean that they agree with something which with the Pope agrees, but that's just a guess.

I think the new Pope seems wonderful, and a real man of the people, but I liked every Pope of my lifetime.  One of the things that Andrew Sullivan talked about was this Pope and women.  AS thinks that women should be allowed to be priests, and I guess he thinks that by washing the feet of those women, this Pope is maybe going to allow that?  My guess is that he's not, even if AS thinks it's "absurd" that the Pope said that JPII shut down the debate about women being priests.  I'm of the understanding that the Pope is God's vicar on earth, so it seems to me like he can do whatever the hell he wants that God wants, but maybe I am a simpleton.

Then, AS says this, he says it seems that what the Pope is saying is this:  

Remember that in the Church, the honor accorded to Jesus’ mother is higher than that of any of the apostles, and that women, simply by virtue of being women, are above priests in importance to the Body of Christ.” That’s both a repetition of orthodoxy and yet also a whole-sale re-imagination of it.

And this is where I got kind of mad, because I can't think of a church who more venerates The Blessed Mother than the Catholic church.  I get into discussions ALL THE TIME with people who (wrongly) think that Catholics worship saints, including and mostly the Blessed Mother.  The usual explanation is that the Church encourages *veneration* of the Blessed Mother, and extreme admiration because she was born without sin, so she could give birth to the Son of God.  I admire that!  So does every Pope I've heard of, and every priest and Catholic I know.  SHEESH!  AS says that this is a repetition of orthodoxy and a WHOLE-SALE REIMAGINATION of it.  Dummy.

So this morning, I woke up early and I was thinking, as I usually am, I hate my job, I don't want the day to start, I can't get out of bed and do this stupid job again, these girls are going to run me ragged as usual, boo hoo poor me, etc., and I thought hey!  Even though I am admired and loved by these people, these kids of mine, they don't treat me well and by well I mean how you would the QUEEN.  I have these expectations of how I should be treated and those expectations have to go right out the window with, well, all of them but especially Felicity and Anthony, too.  But although it bothers me on a daily basis, it doesn't bother me in the scheme of things, it doesn't hurt my feelings, and it doesn't make me think that my job as their Mother is somehow not worthy.  I am their MOTHER.  They were formed, knitted, in my WOMB.  They were pulled out of me and then I fed them (well, most of them) with my BODY and kept them alive!  What position could be higher than that, more deserving of love and respect?

So then I was thinking, why are we so concerned for women that they can't be priests?  I was having a discussion with a friend about it one night and she said that she thought Mother Teresa should be able to be a PRIEST!, and I said, what in the world makes you think that Mother Teresa WANTS to be a priest?  When she is a SAINT, doing what she does?  A SAINT!

I think that we think that there is some sort of GLASS CEILING for women in the Church and that being a nun, maybe being a Mother Superior, is as high as they can go.  But maybe, maybe my position is as high as you can go.  Maybe my mother's position is as high as you can go.  Maybe the lady who cleans some church in Rome is as high as you can go.  Who the hell knows?  Why do we assume PRIEST is it?  To me that is as sexist as anything.  We are talking about vocations here, messages from God about what you should do with your life!  How does acting like we're talking about making it up from the typing pool to the boardroom help anything?

Anyway.  Maybe I am a bad woman for not wanting to be a priest, for not being mad at the Church for not allowing me to go as far as I can go at Roman Catholic, Inc., but I don't think so.  Frankly, I get mad a LOT of the time that my vocation appears to be Wife and Mother because it sucks.  But it's great.  EVENTUALLY.  I HOPE.

Getting to Know You, Part 2

Did I say we are Engaged Couple Sponsors for our church now?  It's going well, we had to go to a training session and then we got our first couple.  I was nervous but it's really a nice thing, you get the answers to the couples' evaluation (never test!  Although it's really a test, ha!) and go over the challenges in the answers.  We have worked with one couple who are getting married this fall and we are going to work with another couple this week, who are getting married in June.  I don't necessarily feel like we have so much to say about how to be a good married couple, but we do have experience being married now and I feel like our training was good - it's really just common sense stuff.  Anyways, it's all we can do, volunteer wise, right now and I feel like it's helpful so that's good.  This weekend in church they spoke about how it's important to have a mission and while I don't know that I necessarily have a MISSION, I do have some idea about wanting to give back to the Church, etc., and I'm happy we can do something.  Ha, even if it's a lesson in What Not to Do.

Here's the second part of the Getting to Know You thing.

Getting to Know Me Post 2

Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best?

Well I guess I'd say everything, because that's really how I try to look at my life but especially Anthony's being autistic. I was really scared of Autism, scared of it all, but he is my firstborn child and my only son and it's my duty and privilege to take care of him.

What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to?

I loved my wedding. I met Mike at a retirement party for these two friends of mine who were retiring from coaching a basketball program. I'm going to say that was the BEST party I've ever attended. It was postponed twice because of bad weather and then finally they had it and I met Mike again moments after I went in, we stayed the latest of anyone.

What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up?

Everything makes me cry. I cried at Downton Abbey last night but not when the Big Thing happened. I cried when the mom was thinking of Sybil, the thought of losing a child is very upsetting to me.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? 

I don't know. It was hard to go through the experience of getting Anthony diagnosed, it continues to be hard, to constantly review our actions and hope we are doing enough.

What was the last experience that made you a stronger person?

I would like to think that I get stronger every time a person comes out of me, ha! I don't know if I do or not.

What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? 

My mother caught me smoking one time, at school. One time we were out super late and we said our car got towed from the Diner but my mom called to complain and they said they had never had a car towed from there in their thirty year history, ha! Busted! I used to get grades that were unacceptable and I'd spend a lot of time grounded.

What do you miss most about being a kid? 

I miss naps and allowance.

What is your first memory of being really excited? 

I don't know. I used to really love my life, I loved going to school and seeing friends. I loved this Gym Show we used to have in grade school. I loved everything. I used to be excited every damned time my eyes opened in the morning.

What was the first thing you bought with your own money?

I'll tell you what I remember buying with my own money. My Aunt Joan always gives me $3 for my birthday and when I was in second or third grade she gave it to me in quarters, taped in my card. I brought the quarters in to school and I bought ice cream (which was a dime, I think) for everyone in my class. Then poof! the money was gone and I was super sad but extremely well loved in my class.

When was the last time you were nervous?

I am pretty nervous! I was truly nervous on Saturday night at work, first we were super busy and then this customer had kind of a breakdown. We know her well, she is a regular, and she was having some kind of a manic episode and I was nervous for her. She's fine.

What is something you learned in the last week?

The last week. I learned that I know nothing about people and that they are a constant surprise to me. I saw a friend of mine on Sunday and she told me that her husband and she are separated, his decision, they have two little kids who are Anthony and Maria's ages and I just - I am shocked. I don't understand people and I never will.

What story does your family always tell about you? 

I don't know. I fell out of the car when I was around three or four. Three, I guess. We were at my grandfather's house while my parents went bowling. They used to bowl on Sundays. It was cold out and I guess the door handle froze? Or something? We went around this super hard turn and I fell out of the car. I don't remember much but I do remember that they KEPT DRIVING until my sister Laura said 'Joanne's not in the car anymore!'. I remember I was mad at my dad when we were at the hospital to get checked out (I was fine) and I remember I was wearing this cute outfit with kitty cats on the pants and then it had one kitty cat on the shirt. Our Don't Break the Ice game went out with me and my mom always talks about hearing the tink tink tink of those ice cubes.

At what age did you become an adult?

I don't know, really. I guess I am an adult because I have all these kids? I know that when I go to parent/teacher conferences at the girls' preschool, i am looking around for my mom or dad, ha!

Getting to Know You

I stole this from my internet friend, I would like to blog more here and I keep forgetting.  I want to say things about the Pope leaving and about how I have so many friends and acquaintances who think that, like, Hillary Clinton or someone should be the Pope, it's driving me insane.  I have completely faith that those Cardinals will get together and pray and let it come to them who should be the Pope.  I'm glad JPII was the Pope and I'm glad Benedict was the Pope and I'm glad Leo, Doctor and Saint, or whoever was Pope was Pope.  I'm not worried about it!  I don't think that we should get a pope who is more modern, or super young, or hip and with it, or anything.  I think we should have the pope be someone who God wants as His vicar on Earth.  Maybe I'm a simpleton, but I have a hard enough time with faith, I can't get all pushed up about who is going to be pope.  Sheesh.

So anyways, since I am IMPOSSIBLE about the pope situation and other current events, I thought I'd just steal a meme and go from there.

What was your favorite food when you were a child?

I used to love cheese sandwiches, also tomato sandwiches and by sandwich I mean either cheese or tomato with mayo on white bread.  MMMMMM.  I don't really want a cheese sandwich now but I could TOTALLY have a tomato sandwich.  I miss white bread, Lord I loved it as a child and we had only white bread and white bread from which to choose.  We also had bread every single night at dinner.  EVERY NIGHT.

What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?

I listen to this Avett Brothers song that I got for free from Starbucks but I can't remember the name of it.  I am terrible with new music, on account of I am usually listening to the kids' crap in the car or sometimes I listen to comedians on Pandora to cheer myself.

What is one of your favorite quotes?

My favorite quote is from Judge Judy and it's "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining".

What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?

My favorite indoor activity is reading, whether it's books or the internet.  But I also really enjoy several shows on tv and since we have Netflix streaming through our Blu Ray, I try and catch a movie here and there.

What chore do you absolutely hate doing?

The laundry around here is pretty daunting but I do sort of hate all of them, because it never stops.  Sometimes as I am folding clothes, Felicity is tearing them out of the basket and throwing them on the floor.  I hate sweeping the floor because it is so gross to look at the amount of stuff that's been on there!

What is your favorite form of exercise?

I used to love going to boxing classes at my gym in NYC.  Now I like this KenPo workout from P90X and I like Turbo Jam.  I like anything that makes me work hard and goes fast.

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?

My favorite time of day.  I think it's probably evenings after the kids have gone to bed and we are sitting together watching tv.  My favorite day of the week is probably Friday, after all this time where Friday doesn't really mean anything to us.  My favorite month of the year is probably March - it's my birthday month, we are busy at work because of NCAA basketball and St. Patrick's Day, and it's finally getting warmer, usually.

What’s your least favorite mode of transportation?

Flying.

What is your favorite body part?

I have long nail beds and all my manicurists comment on them.

What sound do you love?

I'll tell you what sound I love and that is the sound of silence.  I never hear it, though, EVER.

I guess this is kind of an abrupt ending.  I'll have to go look at the stolen meme and get the Part 2, but not right now.  Right now I am taking advantage of the fact that it's President's Day and Mike is home and I'm going to do a (hopefully) simple computer consulting job.  

Annulment

I follow this blogger on Twitter and, well not to be too kissy assy but I really, really like this blogger, and anyways she was talking on Twitter about how she had recently had her first marriage annulled by the Catholic Church because her ex-husband requested it and got it.  He is marrying a Catholic girl and of course, he can't have been married before if he wants to get married in the Church.  

I will always, always come down on the side of the Church when I can.  I try and really find out about what the Catechism says about things so that I can make sense of them.  Like, I used to not understand about why Catholics shouldn't use artificial birth control, it made NO sense to me, but it does now.  I have done a lot of reading about it and, not to be lame, praying on it and I get it now.  But I do not get this.  

Why would the Catholic church annul a marriage that took place outside of the church?  I recognize that a marriage is a marriage is a marriage to the Church, but I thought it was hard to get a marriage annulled.  I thought there were specific reasons, like (and this might not be all of them but just off the top of my head) say, the person you married was crazy and didn't say that.  Or say they claimed they wanted kids and then didn't.  Or, abandonment is a big one.  

I remember when my Uncle got married it was very important to him that his fiancee get her first marriage annulled because he wanted to get married in the Church.  This was like 30 years ago and we were all on tenterhooks, would she get the annulment or not?  But she did and they got married and all was well.  But she had a daughter, my cousin, and I remember my sister and I saying, what happens to her?  Where does a child fit in an annulment situation?  The Catechism says that of course it doesn't make a child illegitimate but I wonder what does it mean, then?  

I can see that if you get married in the Catholic church that the church should be responsible for that sacrament.  I can see that if I got married to Mike and he said Ha ha!  I didn't mean any of that RCIA stuff and I am never going to have a child and also I am a raging alcoholic and I beat my last wife to death, I could say, um, I can't be married to him anymore.  BUT Mike and I went through pre-marriage counseling and we were encouraged to talk about everything.  The church was responsible for it, they seemed to take it seriously and I did, too.  So I can see how they would have jurisdiction over my marriage.  But I don't see how they'd have jurisdiction over some marriage that took place outside of the Church.  It doesn't make any sense.  

I do wonder a few things - like, if you're not Catholic and your ex gets your marriage annulled in the Church, why does it matter?  But there was some sort of court involved, could it be an actual court?  Also, I was wondering about Joe Kennedy's divorce and annulment.  I remember that he wanted it but his wife was against it, (she was Episcopalian but maybe their kids were Catholic?  As Catholic as any Kennedy is, I guess?) and I just googled it and I had forgotten she wrote a whole BOOK about it but anyways, the Vatican has reversed his annulment.  I didn't know that, nor did I know that he got married civilly, which, what the hell?  Why did he care, then?  

Anyways.  I could see if we lived in Ireland before whenever they changed their No Divorce rule, or in some Catholically run country but the Church doesn't run the United States?  Who cares what they think with regard to a marriage that didn't take place in their Church?  I mean, I care, but I recognize that others do not, that other people aren't Catholic.  I feel that way about birth control too.  I mean, I get impatient with Catholics who purposely work against the rules of the church, and still consider themselves to be 'good Catholics' but if someone isn't Catholic?  Why would I care about whether or not they use birth control?  Sheesh.  

Anyway.  If anyone knows why the Church is involved in annulling marriages which they had no part of, let me know.  

Vocation

Tonight I was feeding the baby and watching a documentary about this nun who used to be an actress. I read about it last year, it might have been nominated for an Oscar. Anyway. I was watching it and I had an epiphany. The former actress, who is now the mother superior, was talking about how hard it was when she was first a novice. Then another woman, a nun, talked about how hard it was for her, and yet another novice was shown crying to the mother about how miserable she was.

I think I've always thought of nuns and priests as having callings to the religious life and just being sure of their choice. I figured they had a calling from God and that fueled them to be happy and leave their former lives behind. But today I was thinking, I have a calling, too. I am called to the married life and to be the mother of these four kids and just because I have a calling doesn't mean I'm not going to have doubts or be sad sometimes. It is very freeing to believe that. And even if I'm wrong, who cares? It's the first time in years that I've had the feeling that maybe someday I'll be happier and more content. Maybe at some point in the near future I'll feel confident I made the right choice. Because you should have seen those nuns now, they seemed right where they should be. Well, not the novice. She was still a mess, like I am, but she was new, I figured. She won't feel that way forever! And I won't either. Probably.

Our Song

I am linking up to this on this blog because it's from a Catholic writer I read.

Our wedding song is You Send Me, but I also think of Here, There and Everywhere and especially God Only Knows as our songs. Neither of the last two are good dance songs though, and You Send Me is a nice rhumba, so that's what we chose for our wedding. I always thought my wedding song would be True Love Ways by Buddy Holly but I guess Mike didn't think of it as our song. He did play it when he asked me to marry him, which I remember thinking was just adorable and perfect. He told me he liked Here There and Everywhere but it seemed to focus too much on the girl in the situation, so I nixed it for our wedding song. I remember, though, that I told my mom that that was the song he liked and she listened to it and said that if that was how he felt about me, I should definitely marry him.

God Only Knows is the best song, even if the first lyric is 'I may not always love you'. It's so beautiful and the thrust of it is something that really speaks to me with regard to marriage, especially now that we have all these kids. I really, really feel that way - God only knows what I'd be without Mike. Now that we're together, I don't feel like I'd be me anymore, without him.

You Send Me is a perfect wedding song, in my opinion. It's a good dance song, it's beautifully sung, and the lyrics are perfect. I'll tell you what my first choice was and that's You Sexy Thing. I couldn't imagine dancing to it at my wedding reception but I love it. 'I believe in miracles, since you came along, you sexy thing. Where did you come from, baby? How did you know I needed you?'. I loved it and I could totally relate to the lyrics. It did seem like a miracle that Mike and I found each other. I did need him! I still do.

Anyway, back to You Send Me. Here are the pertinent lyrics: at first I thought it was infatuation, but ooh it's lasted so long. Now I find myself wanting to marry you and take you home'. You send me, you thrill me, honest you do. As time goes by, Mike still sends me, still thrills me, but in such a different way. Honest, he does, honest he does, honest he does.

Here's a picture of us dancing, and a note about it. We took lessons at an Arthur Murray type place before we got married and I always recommend it to couples who ask. It didn't cost too much money, and it was such a nice thing for us to do once a week in the time working up to our wedding. It was also nice to know exactly what was going to happen with at least ONE thing that day. Also, I'll never forget this - we started dancing and the crowd went wild! It was so funny, it never occurred to me that it looked good, just that it felt really good. Anyways, it was wonderful and we danced a lot that season, we went to our wedding and my friend Chrissy's wedding and it was nice to know what we were doing. Here's a picture from our wedding, actually we were practicing before our wedding in the basement of the church.