Behavior at Church

We don't take our kids to church, after they are walking. This is just so far, I mean, we are going to take them to church some day, of course. It's just really hard right now - Anthony is LOUD and we're just not where we should be communication wise with him, so I could say "be quiet for an hour and watch the Priest or I'll beat you" or whatever and he could understand it. Ditto Maria. Usually I go to Mass on Saturday night and bring the baby and then Mike goes on Sunday.

This week, though, we went together because his mom came up and stayed with Anthony and Maria. Saturday night's Mass would have been crazy, because it was the big festival night Mass and we didn't want to mess around with it. Veronica started to cry shortly after we got there so I took her out in the foyer and nursed her and she fell asleep for the rest of Mass. So she was good, but she is only a little baby, so it's never a problem with her. HOWEVER.

When I was out in the foyer, there was a kid out there SCREAMING. She was shrieking so loudly that I took V outside a little bit because I thought it would wake her. The girl was maybe Maria's age, around one anyway. She was tired? Maybe? Just hateful, I felt bad for her and for her parents, who just didn't seem to be able to fix it. She eventually quieted down and I sat on the choir loft stairs to nurse Veronica. Then another mom came out of church with two girls, maybe 4 and 2. The two year old kept dropping Goldfish on the floor and the mom was scooping them up but there was no garbage and she had nowhere to put them - I have been there. You can't eat them like you would at home, because we had yet to take Communion, so she was stuck. Then her husband came out of church and went whipping by with their son (I didn't know he had anyone with him yet, I was sitting so I could only see adults, tall people) and took him downstairs. He said something to the wife about how "he was being REALLY ANNOYING". Then I think he took the kid downstairs to spank him, because I heard the kid crying. SIGH.

I don't believe in corporal punishment for children, but I suppose it's none of my business. But I think it's tacky and weird and a little dangerous to go spanking your kid in the basement room of a church. I don't know how hard he hit him, but man - do you really want to get involved with a bunch of people seeing you spanking your child in public? Do you really want to involve YOUR CHURCH? As if there's not enough trouble. Then the guy brought the boy (maybe three years old?) back up and went back into church BY HIMSELF, leaving all three kids with the mom.

Eventually I was finished beating -ha ha I mean nursing - Veronica, so I took her back in. In the front row, I saw a couple I know with their FOUR boys. The youngest is brand new, maybe two months old, and was in a sling on the mom. The next oldest boy was weepy and sad. I figured he was maybe having a hard time with the baby, because he seemed super over attached to the mom. The older two boys were pretty good, especially for little kids, nobody was older than six, I'd say. But the Dad never even LOOKED at the kids, the mom had to do EVERYTHING. Between the mom alone with her three outside and this mom inside alone with her four, I was really confused.

Somehow I think it might be a religious thing for these people. As Catholics, we do venerate Mary and her role as mother, and I think that we do believe, as a Church, that mothers should ... well, mother. I think we're kind of into gender roles, is what I'm saying. I believe, and this may be controversial, that I was made to be a mother, specifically my children's mother and I don't think anyone could be better at it than I, even their father. I feed them with my body, I think I have better instincts, etc. I try (and fail by the minute) to imitate the Virgin Mary, and I ask her to pray for me. I'm down with the woman as mother thing.

BUT that never means that I don't need help with the kids! If my husband sat there as I struggled with the kids, or if he BROUGHT A MISBEHAVING CHILD OUT TO ME when I was there with the other two, I would not take it well. AT ALL. It seems like a cop out to me. I can't get over how much I see it in church, though, where I assume these couples also swore to love, honor and cherish. To me, abandoning your wife with the care of all your bad kids is not very loving.