Vocation

Tonight I was feeding the baby and watching a documentary about this nun who used to be an actress. I read about it last year, it might have been nominated for an Oscar. Anyway. I was watching it and I had an epiphany. The former actress, who is now the mother superior, was talking about how hard it was when she was first a novice. Then another woman, a nun, talked about how hard it was for her, and yet another novice was shown crying to the mother about how miserable she was.

I think I've always thought of nuns and priests as having callings to the religious life and just being sure of their choice. I figured they had a calling from God and that fueled them to be happy and leave their former lives behind. But today I was thinking, I have a calling, too. I am called to the married life and to be the mother of these four kids and just because I have a calling doesn't mean I'm not going to have doubts or be sad sometimes. It is very freeing to believe that. And even if I'm wrong, who cares? It's the first time in years that I've had the feeling that maybe someday I'll be happier and more content. Maybe at some point in the near future I'll feel confident I made the right choice. Because you should have seen those nuns now, they seemed right where they should be. Well, not the novice. She was still a mess, like I am, but she was new, I figured. She won't feel that way forever! And I won't either. Probably.